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Fluctuating Hope - Episode 9





Fluctuating Hope - Episode 9

Written By Amah's Heart& Blessing

I arrived home when it was already dusk, I checked the time on my wristwatch and it showed 7:04pm. Quite late!

As I stepped into the sitting room, I met only my mother sitted on one of the plastic chairs staring absentmindedly into empty space.

I walked up to her to inquire from her what the problem was and it became more clearer that indeed she is lost in thoughts!

She didn't even notice my presence until I feigned a short cough to get her attention.

She jerked as she came out of her reverie and from the surprise look on her face I could tell that she never expected to see me standing in front of her like I did.

I am now convinced that something is definitely fishy no doubt! and today I don't intend to tolerate the usual 'I am fine' replies of hers I do get on a daily basis.

" Ah! you're back Debby... how was your visit to the Nyeye?" My mother inquired whilst feigning a smile but I am no longer deceived by the facade

" Mom you've been acting weird since your friend Aunty Cynthia came to visit yesterday.. please talk to me mummy, what is the problem with you?" I quizzed directly looking at her as I slowly took an empty plastic chair and sat beside her

" I keep telling you that I am fine Debby.. please don't worry about me and tell me how your visit to Cynthia was.. hope she received you warmly?" My mother asked flippantly and I nodded smiling as I placed my hands on her left thigh

" Yes mummy she did.. she also sent her regards to you.. her husband was also nice but that arrogant son of hers insulted me verbally and was forming pompous to apologise to me so Auntie Cynthia had to apologize on her son's behalf.. she is very kind and a generous host too!" I expressed as I shrugged with my shoulders and continued

" ...and not just that mom.. she promised that she is going to be sponsoring my education from now henceforth.. ah I feel so happy mom! I think God has miraculously answered our heartfelt prayers, Finally!" I expounded full of excitement 

I paused talking, rather I kept staring at my mother's face expecting to see at least a gleam of happiness on it but her face was just unreadable and devoid of emotions. This is so unusual!

" Oh okay!" My mom simply answered which is unlike her

My mother is supposed to be excited for me since financial aid is what we've always craved, hoped and prayed for.

So what exactly is going on to warrant this unexciting mood?

I am worried and I did nothing to hide it as I persistently kept looking at her and surprisingly she was trying to avoid my eyes which means she is definitely hiding something from me!

" What is really going on mummy?.. is there something I need to know that you are obviously hiding away from me?.. I mean look at you trying to avoid my eyes! to be very sincere mom, you are gradually turning into a mother I don't know anymore so talk to me!" I blurted feeling extremely worried and my face showed it

" I am fine Debby... trust me!" My mother answered feigning a smile at me and I scoffed 

Does she think that I am still that young and foolish?

Well from all indications, it was obvious that her mind was made up on her usual replies;

So I shook my head gradually giving up on probing further

" It's okay Mom.. I give up on ever asking about this again... you can continue dying in silence if that's what you want!" I retorted as I got up from the chair I sat and angrily walked out of the sitting room's door that directly led to my bedroom.


In the bedroom, I met all my siblings sitted on the bed whilst playing a game of ludo and swearing words at one another.

" Gosh! must these two adults keep frùstrating me in this life of mine! before it was daddy and now mummy has decided to join the squad for no just reason!" I blurted although I wasn't talking to anyone in particular

"...I swear to God that I am loosing it and I will just pack my things away from this house so I'd have some peace and quiet time.. I ain't the one who killed Jesus nau so what's all this!" I ranted uncontrollably as I kept pacing about the small bedroom boiling inside of me

I just needed someone to rant to and free my heart of all the pent-up emotions so that I will not end up breaking down in tears, undeniably I am a very emotional person so I get easily hürt hence need a fast escape!

" what happened this time Debby?.. what did mummy do to hürt your feelings this way?" Amah my elder sister queried as she slowly left the game and walked over to where I stood whilst my younger siblings completely ignored my rants and continued with their game. 

" Amy, haven't you observed that Mummy's mood has been on the low since Auntie Cynthia visited and left yesterday?" I asked as I stopped pacing and stood fixated at a particular spot that was close to her

I looked at her for a response and she nodded in affirmation before replying to my question

" Yes Debby I observed that too but the problem is that I have asked her over and over again but she keeps saying that she is perfectly fine... whereas her mood and demeanor says otherwise" Amy responded shrugging as she looked at me skeptically and asked flippantly

" ..wait Debby, don't tell me that it is the sole reason why you are acting this way?" Amah asked looking sarcastically at me and I slowly my head in affirmation

" Yes Amy.. I hate it when mummy or any member of our family isn't happy.. so yes I feel really hurt by mum's refusal to tell us what is wrong with her" I poured out my emotions to her


" Oh I see but Debby you need to get use to such things though.. as you already know people mustn't be happy all the time; your family inclusive" Amah opined and I nodded

" Yes Amy I know that but I just can't help feeling or getting hurt whenever my emotions is triggered.. what could be wrong with mum? It's so unlike her!"

" I can't tell for sure but I do feel like it is actually related to Aunty Cynthia's issue.. either ways maybe it's best we leave her alone till when she's ready to talk" Amah advised placing her hands on my shoulders and I nodded in understanding

" I think you are right Amy!" I said heaving as I sat on the bed.

" So tell me.. how was your visit to Aunty Cynthia's place?" Amah asked eagerly as she sat down on the bed looking at me 

Her look of curiosity brought out a small smile on my face as I began filing her in on all that happened at Aunty Cynthia's house; the warm reception etc..

" It went very well Amy.. she is going to be my sponsor from now henceforth so the good news splash is this; I will be going back to school next week" I blurted almost jumping up out of excitement but I had to restraint myself from doing so

" Oh wow! I am so happy for you Debby.. God is really by your side and our tears is finally coming to an end.. wow! congrats to you Debby" Amah shouted throwing herself all over me in obvious happiness

" Yes oooo.. God has finally seen how desperate I am to go to school and be a successful graduate.. that's why he has finally decided to answer my heartfelt prayers... Sis Amy is our God not great?" I asked rhetorically as I hugged Amah

Tears dripped from my eyes as I remembered how I laid on this same bed few days ago crying my eyes out for a gleam of hope

Including how I had nursed the thoughts to Google search on how University suspension letters were written so that I will suspend studies this month end which is coincidentally this week that Aunty Cynthia came.

Indeed God is a God of a last minute miracle and I am happy that he granted me this huge favour just when my last iota of hope and faith was failing me.

Amah was the first to break the hug between us and when she saw the tears in my eyes, she shook her head at me in an emotional manner as she said 

" No Debby.. you don't need this now, this is the time to thank God for what he has done for us not the other way around so please wipe your tears Debby" as Amah said this, she used her palms to wipe my tears away and I nodded in understanding

" You're right Amy but then.. I observed two things while at her place which actually still bothers me.." I quipped and paused whilst staring at Amah

" What's that Debby?" Amah quizzed with apt attention as she nodded at me to continue

" It is the way her husband kept staring at my body plus her son's continual rude behavior towards me.. for some reasons he doesn't like me and I don't understand why it is so" I expressed heaving heavily

" I still don't get you.. you mean her husband Mr Bernard was staring at your body lustfully?" Amah inquired wide-eyed and I shook my head back and forth in the usual negative manner

" No! No! No Amah you are thinking overboard.. honestly at first I thought it was lust too.. but as we spoke better in his office I discovered that he is a nice and amiable person.. so I think he was probably only staring at my body out of pity for my situation" I explained in an attempt to convince Amah and even myself too

I mean Mr Bernard Nyeye can't be that bad to go after a girl that is of the same age with his eldest granddaughter. 

I heard that he is a kind, strict and responsible man, not just that; he is respected by all and sundry because of his precent high position in the society - he is the right-hand man to the Governor of my state.

Besides his face and speeches depicted strictness as he spoke to me, so I believe he should not be compared to other hungry men that seek to destroy other people's female children. 

I am convinced that he is different from other older men so I plan to hold him in high esteem as a second father he is about to become to me, since he had willingly offered to assist his wife to take care of my educational expenses.

Such kind men are so rare to find this days so I shouldn't let my misconception of men push Amah to be thinking ill of him.

And as for their spoilt son Malvin; he is the least of my life problems so I will try as much as possible to overlook his rude behavior and stay off his path.

After our conversation, Amah left me and moved to the kitchen to assist my mother in cooking the evening meal.

When she left, I laid fully on the bed as I heaved a sigh of relief from everything that bothered me in the past three months.

Also, my mind kept replaying everything that has happened in the past two days which made my heart move further towards my human helpers;

God knows that I have this immense trust and respect for Mr Bernard and Aunty Cynthia for offering to take me out of my ocean of worries when I least expected it so soon. 

I guess that's why I had to keep convincing my instincts and to make myself believe that indeed Mr Bernard was staring at young me merely out of pity for my situation, and not for any lustful reasons.

From now henceforth, I would discipline myself to stop feeling insecure of the older male gender and also to quit thinking the wørst of good people like the Nyeyes. I thought inwardly as I slowly drifted to sleep land.

(Do not take credit of this work)

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