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Fluctuating Hope - Episode 5





Fluctuating Hope - Episode 5

Written By Amah's Heart& Blessing

I laid down on the bed tossing about whilst staring at the bedroom ceiling with my mind wandering about.

My mind created a special room for overthinking and it was gradually taking up the whole space which wasn't so good for my psychological well-being.

Soon I got tired of overthinking and took my small Android phone that was beside me on the bed to place a call to one of my childhood best friend, Nisi

Nisi and Chris are my two best friends. We've known each other from childhood and there are the two closest friends whom I love and trust with the whole of my being.

Nisi is the exact opposite of me, unlike me who is a reserved and an introverted girl, Nisi is my age grade but she is less reserved and an extroverted girl who loves the fun of life.

She is an undergraduate in the University of Benin, in the same 300 level as I am but she choose Sociology as a course of study whilst I went for Accountancy.

Chris on the other side is an ambivert, jovial and easy going young guy. He is a graduate and actually three years older than I am and he has always been my human support and confidant in times like this.

There are times I feel and suspect that Chris actually loves me beyond the friendship we share but then I just view him as an elder brother hence I prayed my instincts and suspicion should be wrong.

I placed a call to Nisi, although Chris would have been a desirable option but then I didn't want to bother him with my problems and whines as I usually do.

Nisi picked at the second ring and her hyperactive voice spoke immediately she picked up my phone call

" Babe how far? It's been a while.. you just threw me away but thank God today you finally remembered that you have a friend.. all through last week that I came back to town, I tried getting across to you via a phone call but your phone number has been switched off!"

" Wow! Nis you are in town right now?" I asked in astonishment and continued

" ..Oh my God! I never knew bestie and I am sorry about my phone number.. my phone had a minor issue but it's sorted out now... Welcome to town Nisi, I missed you so much!"

" I missed you too Debby.. so tell me babe how have you been?"

" I'm not okay Nisi, this best friend of yours is almost loosing the sanity in her, I really need someone to talk to right now... please Nisi!" I said in a shaky voice full of emotions

" Oh my God! your voice says it all best friend.. tell me Debby, where are you right now? I will come meet you right away!" Nisi asked worriedly and immediately I told her I was at home, she hung up the phone after informing me that she will be at my house in an hour. 

After the phone call with Nisi, I sighed as I stood up and slowly made my way out of the bedroom to the sitting room

That's where I saw my four younger siblings: Bella, Kemi, Daniel and Zach sitting and looking terribly sullen

" Good evening sister Debby!" They chorused and I nodded as a reply to their greetings before asking the question on my mind

" Bella, Kemi, Daniel and Zach, why are you sitting like this?

anything the issue?" 

" Sister Debby, tomorrow is school fees drive for students who are yet to pay for their school fees.. and sadly we are amongst the list of students to be sent home tomorrow" Kemi the youngest girl spoke out followed by Zach complaint

Kemi is 17 years old, she is a replica of my mom's facial features and personality

" I haven't seen mummy since we came back school.. there's no food in the house and I am so very hungry Sister Debby!" Zach my youngest brother said in his babyish voice whilst staring at me with moisty eyes

Zach is 10 years old, he is the last born child and as such he is the most cared for and prioritized than any of us

" There's no food at home?" I asked a question everyone knew was unnecessary 

" Yes Sister.. there's no food anywhere and me too I am very hungry like Zach, my tummy has been rumbling since I came back from school to this nonsense house!" Daniel retorted in his usual rash tone

Well I am not surprised since he is his father's son, what this means is that he took after my father in terms of personality

Daniel is my 15 year old brother but I can tell you freely that he is trouble packed in the body of a child! He is very stubborn and rash with words

" You better watch your tone young man! Except you need a brain resetting slap!" I said with all seriousness and Daniel immediately went mute

That's the power and advantage of being a senior sister! Respect

" Debby shutting Daniel up would not solve this hunger problem.. I am hungry too so find us food not all this shouts!" retorted Bella my young yet short tempered sister

Bella is my 19 year old junior sister, biologically she is the next child after me hence only her has the liberty to directly address me by my first name

I heaved before asking in the calmest tone I could come up with at that point in time

" Where is Amah? Is she outside?"

" We don't know Sister, we haven't met anyone aside you.. probably she followed mummy and daddy to God knows wherever they went to!" Bella answered and Daniel concured

" Yes Sister Debby, Sister Bella is right.. we are not CCTV cameras to know where sister Amah is!"

" Exactly! Na food hunger dey hungry us not human being.. so please oh Debby, no bi Sister Amah we go chop this hot afternoon!" Bella uttered in a Pidgin language and I shook my head before giving a brief reply

" You two are sick in the head!" I concluded as I walked out of the sitting room whilst dragging Kemi and Zach along with me

I went back to the bedroom to get part of the small savings money I had in my hand bag, after which I went out to get instant Noddles to prepare for Kemi and Zach.

After feeding Kemi and Zach, I offered the food remnants to Bella and Daniel who had grudgingly accepted the small quantity, then devoured it with a reasonable amount of water.


" Baby girl wassup.. you scared me with the way you spoke over the phone.. why? what happened Deb?" Nisi said worriedly addressing me with 'Deb'; a fond name she normally calls me whenever she is concerned about my well-being

I heaved heavily as I placed the two kitchen stools I held with both hands on the ground beside us at the verandah

After which I sat and waited for Nisi to sit as well, I ensured that she is fully relaxed and comfortable on her stool before I answered her earlier question

" Nisi I don't even know where to start explaining.. but in summary Nis, I am so tired of life and I am finally giving up on my education!" I dropped the bombshell and Nisi's stared at me with mouth agape

" Did I hear you well Deb? Like you want to give up your close to two years in the university?.. why? is it your father again?!" Nisi queried giving me a confused look and I nodded in affirmation

" Yes Nisi.. my father has finally succeeded in his plans for my life, can you believe that he..." I begun explaining everything to Nisi, giving her a detailed summary of all that has happened in my life for the past few months

" Yesterday after my mother broke the disappointing news about the loan organization to me.. I've come to the realization that all hope is lost for me hence I have made a final decision to suspend my studies till further notice!" I concluded with a heavy heart followed by a shrug

" Oh my Goodness! This is actually worst than I had emphasized Debby.. it's so sad.. really so so sad.. it's sad to see that a promising girl like you are Debby will have to cut short her dreams just like that!" Nisi said probably in genuine sympathy, unknown to her that it was actually increasing my emotional pain

" I already know that it is sad Nis.. there's no need for the constant reminder Nisi!" I uttered giving her a look of displeasure and she sighed

" Well I'm sorry Deb but I can't help the pity... I mean even if you suspend studies now, you and I know that the maximum time for suspension is one academic year... so Debby what is the guarantee that by then things will get better with your father or that the funds will be available for you to resume?" Nisi asked a question that gave me goosebumps yet I had no actual answer to

" Nisi are you indirectly trying to mock me right now?.. If no then please Nis don't ask me questions which I have no answers to.. instead proffer solutions if you have any" I retorted already getting pissed

" Okay I am sorry Deb but then we both know that if I am to give you suggestive solutions now.. you would not want to listen to me so I will rather keep my solution to myself!" Nisi answered nonchalantly as she took her iPhone from her handbag and begun punching on it to my annoyance

" Common Nisi we both know that I have never neglected any suggestions or advice from you except it is something that is against my morals and value system.. so if you have a potent solution for me please talk Nisi"

" I keep telling you this Debby, use what you have to get what you want, it is as simple as ABC!.. I mean look at you bestie you are a beautiful girl.. see big hips and breasts nau but it is all going to waste in the name of purity and ' I want to stay a virgin' syndrome" Nisi begun in a calm tone and I immediately knew which direction the conversation is likely heading

" Let me tell you something Debby, there are rich men out there who are more than willing to sponsor your education to any educational level you desire... some doesn't necessarily need marriage from you hence you get to enjoy yourself as a rich single lady until you are a graduate and ready for marriage!" Nisi expounded but I had gradually lost interest in the conversation 

I guess this is one of the many reasons why I prefer sharing my emotional pain with Chris than with Nisi, she usually seize every opportunity to talk me into her life definition of fun; sleeping with different men in exchange for monetary gains.

" Of course Nisi some doesn't necessarily want marriage.. you know why? because there are happily married already but are merely out to devour the lives and future of younger girls whilst preserving their pure biological daughters for the best!" I responded with so much loathe in my utterance because no matter how appealing the world paints the act of prostitution to be, I Debby Thompson detested it so much

" .. not just that Nisi: the several abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, bad reputation and addictive lifestyles associated with it.. the ultimate of it all is; damnation in hell! It can't be me abeg so change the topic!"

" Well beyond all those things you've listed .. think of the monetary benefits Debby, it can solve all your problems without a blink! I mean look at me now, my parents aren't financially buoyant but through the same process you detest and crucify so much.. I can take care of my personal and academic needs just fine.." Nisi said flippantly as though it was an easy task, took a short break before she continued whilst looking at me 

".. no problem if you want a change of topic but my last words is this; the semester is not waiting for you, it's either you do something fast or you lose your career dream.. so think carefully Debby! Think! Think! Think! and decide fast too as time they say waits for no man" Nisi concluded and I knew that she had a valid point.

Typical of me, I just sat there in a state of a dilemma but as Nisi emphasized; I needed to make a decision quickly as the semester is speedily progressing without finance or a vital hope in sight.

(Do NOT take credit or plagiarize)

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