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Fluctuating Hope - Episode 3





Fluctuating Hope - Episode 3

Written By Amah's Heart& Blessing

" Debby! Debby! wake up my daughter" a soft call by my mother followed by a series of hand tapping woke me up from my sleep the following morning which was a Sunday

I yawned as I woke up whilst at the same time using my hands to rub my eyes so as to get rid of the leftover sleep that is blurring my vision

I felt serious body pains as the bed I now lie on at nights is really uncomfortable due to its hardness but then I had no choice than to manage it, 

this is due to the fact that we had sold out our most expensive and comfortable household items and had to get already used items to minimize cost and for money sake, and my hard bed is one of the low priced item that was bought.

" Good morning mummy.. this one you are waking me up so early in the morning, am I safe?" I asked in an attempt to cover up my pain with humor

" So early you say? Debby this is 10:05am in the morning, it's so unusual of you to sleep this much so I had to come check if my daughter is okay or are you ill?" My mother asked with concern whilst touching me on my neck to check my temperature

" No mummy I am not ill, I slept very late yesterday.. I guess that's why I am waking up late today!" I said and sighed tiredly

" Okay but why are your eyes bluffy and reddish in colour? Wait! don't tell me you stayed up late crying again Debby?" My mother queried and I moved my eyes away in quilt

Actually, she has caught me on more than two occasions crying late at night and with comforting words had made me promise not to bury myself in tears again and to rather hope on God, but then yesterday night the emotions were just too strong that I couldn't help crying until late in the morning when sleep finally came knocking

" I'm sorry mummy, I just couldn't stop myself from crying after what daddy did yesterday with the money the chief gave us because of our predicament!" I answered truthfully and sniffed at the verge of crying yet again

" It is okay Debby, crying won't change anything rather lets keep hoping on God that something positive comes out of my uncle whom I am going to lend money from!" my mother answered and I felt worst

" Hoping? Is that all we are going to keep doing all the days of our lives? I am tired mummy, I need assurances not all this futile hope upon hope!" I uttered looking directly at her

I am undeniably tired and made no attempt in expressing my anger and frustrations

" I believe everything will be fine Debby, lets just allow the future fight for itself.. for now just get ready for church, you know today is Sunday and we are already running late for service because you woke up late today" my mother said expecting me to get up so as to get ready but instead I laid back on the overly hard bed with no intention to honor her request

" Mummy I am not going to church today nor do I intend going on any other day.. God has forgotten us and I am tired of praying and hoping on him without a result forthcoming"

" Debby please I'm begging you don't be like this, you know that God isn't to blame for all that is happening to.." my mother said but I cut her off midway

" Who then is to be blamed mum? Is it me that so much craved for education or you that has struggled to see me through till this stage?" I asked my mother but she kept mute short of words

"...mummy talk nau" I asked getting up from the bed and facing my mother who was still silence whilst looking at me

I continued when I heard no response to my earlier question

" ...you see Mom, you can't talk because you know that what I am saying is the truth.. for Christ's sake mom! I go to church on a daily basis, I pray constantly, I turn down all the sexual requests from men who were willing to offer me huge sums of money, why? because it is a sin and I want to keep myself as a pure virgin for my future husband! yet it seems God is silent on my pleas for help in finance" I said and my mother heaved before saying soothingly to me in a bid to console me

" I don't think so my daughter, I believe if it is God's will for you to go to school then you will go to school to achieve whatever educational level you wish to attain, no matter how high it is.. I know you are unhappy and frustrated over your father's adamance to support your dreams but please Debby stop defaming God" my mother said and I laughed mockingly as I got up from bed dramatically

" really mom? to achieve higher education without funds when the lesser one is almost killing me here with high thinking pressure? Abi is this Nigeria a 'free town' whereby someone can just wake up oneday and start achieving any level of education she wants to attain?"

" Believe it or not Debby, you are ordained for greatness and I see you becoming someone very great in life... Just endure the pains but never think of giving up on God because I believe in the adage that says that nothing good comes easy, but the strong-minded conquers it all!"

" Mom stop abeg, I don't have the strength to laugh at your jokes this early morning! how can you say that I Debby Thompson as pitiful I am now is ordained for greatness? And what did you say about strong-minded people again because I am not sure I heard you well" I asked rhetorically and then I continued unabated

"... Anyways thanks for the consolatory words but I am also sorry to disappoint you mom, my strong-minded facade died last night! I've finally given up on life and its ruckus mummy... education can go to hell, I really don't care about it anymore" I resonated loudly although inwardly I knew I didn't completely mean what I uttered

" Are you really sure about this or you are just saying it for consolation sake?" My mother asked and I nodded reluctantly

" I am very sure mumm.." I said but my sentence was cut off midway by my father who came into the room with a plastic cup and unceremoniously joined our conversation

" Wow! I think this is the best news I will be hearing from you in a long while... See Debby I don't know why you are stressing yourself over this education thing, I have repeatedly told you to get a tailoring skill and be industrious, then probably a good man will come out to marry you without feeling intimidated by your career!" My father adviced and I heaved as I laid down on the bed without giving a reply

" Is that all you can say to your daughter? why would a man be intimidated by his wife's career or education.. isn't whatever achievements she will have going to be beneficial to their home too?" My mother confronted and my father retaliated with a reply that wasn't shocking to anybody

" Exactly what I am saying dear! the family of procreation (the one formed through marriage and childbearing) will be the main that's if not the only benefactors over us her family of orientation (the one a person is born into)!.." my father said, paused to gulped down the water he held on his right hand before he continued

"..imagine the fact that the man who is going to marry her will be the one enjoying all the benefits and our sweats, while we just make do with the scrumbs from the table! So dear instead lets just allow a man marry her like that and if he chooses to educate his wife for his future use.. no problem"

" Didn't you marry someone's daughter from her father eh tell me?... didn't you marry me from my father's house and now enjoying all the benefits our marriage together brings?" My mother asked and my father bursted out laughing aloud

" Do you honestly think that if I met you as an educated career girl, I would have still married you?.. the answer is no because I don't want a woman that will be intimidating me with her certificate and achievements, in marriage a man must always be in control not the other way around" my father said and I looked at him amused at his insecurity and shallow mindedness

They continued their arguments which wasn't new to me and as I watched the confrontation ensued, I sighed in serious frustration.

Honestly, my parent's arguments aren't helping my problems at all, it only makes me feel worst and miserable.

I took a pillow beside me to cover my ears to help minimize the effect their noises had on my ears

I quietly laid there without interrupting their arguments and I didn't know when I had slept off for the second time that morning.


I woke up later in the afternoon and yawned in serious hunger followed by fumbling noises from my stomach

I checked the time on my small phone and it showed 5:36pm in the afternoon, I hissed as I felt pressed and got up to use the toilet which was erected outside

After relieving myself in the restroom, I went to look for where everyone was seeing how quiet the house was

I met only my mother sitted at the veranda picking beans which I assumed is going to be our meal for tonight

" Good evening mummy.. when did you and your husband finish exchanging words because I actually thought it is going to take all day.. that aside though, the house is empty, where is daddy and everybody else?" I said sarcastically seconded by a question as I took a plastic chair and sat down beside her 

" Debby your father whom you referred to as just 'my husband' went out to God knows where while your siblings went for a stroll.. any other interrogation?" My mother asked nonchalantly with her eyes still fixated on the tray of beans she's picking

" No mummy" I simply answered as I helped her in picking the beans while my thoughts wandered far away

We were quiet for a while before my mother's next question broke the silence between us

" You know I actually thought that you weren't going to wake up again today... I mean since morning look at the time a human being is actually waking up for the day? what's really going on with you Debby?" My mother asked lifting her eyes to look intently at me in concern

" It's nothing mom.. moreso I woke up early this morning remember?" I asked in an attempt to avoid the question and if possible to divert from the subject of discussion

" Debby I know you are worried about your education but you need to be strong okay, I believe everything will be fine.. suffering may endure for a night but light cometh in the morning for those who believe, you know that right?" 

" Of course mom, that has always been our constant words of consolation so I know that very well since it is a scripture that is well scripted on my brain" I said and nodded my head in understanding as I kept on with picking the beans 

We remained silent for a while and yet again, my mother broke the silence

" I am planning to apply for that private loan I told you about that has a huge interest rate... I believe that should see you through for the present semester you're now in" my mother announced and I abruptly stopped what I was doing to look at her

" You can't be serious right? You're going to get a private loan that has more than 50% interest rate.. that's so crazily funny" I said laughing it off as a joke but a second look at my mother's face, I knew that this wasn't a joke as she truly meant every word she told me earlier

"... you're truly serious mom?" I asked to be sure my ears weren't failing me earlier

" Debby, do I now look like a joker to you? Of course I am a hundred percent serious so I wonder what was actually funny that got you laughing!" My mother answered visibly showing displeasure at my aptitude towards what she said

" I'm sorry Mom but I honestly found it funny... Like I said earlier, it's contemptible and crazy to actually think of such an idea!" I said flippantly as I sat comfortably on the chair

" I don't understand Debby.. how is my idea a crazy one madam grammar?" My mother asked sarcastically, awaiting an answer from me and I laughed

" Okay jokes apart mom! those kind of loans are only good for investment purposes in which there's at least a fixed hope of it been returned at the end of the investment period, not all this fluctuating hope in a world of ours... for now that's certainly not an option at all, so please drop the idea" I explained with all seriousness and my mother heaved before giving me a reply

" I don't mind doing all that so far as my daughter is in school and is feeling happy, instead of being at home sad and overthinking over an unforeseen future" my mother insisted but I still nodded my head in disapproval

" No Mummy... I mean if you get the loan with such high interest rate, how are you possibly going to pay it back? No mom! I still disapprove of this, you are going too far" 

" I don't mind doing anything to see my children become successful and prominent individuals in future.. so please let me do this for you Debby!" My mother said with pleading eyes and I nodded slowly already moved to tears by her constant sacrifices and compromises.

(Do NOT take credit or plagiarize)

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