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Fluctuating Hope - Episode 2





Fluctuating Hope - Episode 2

Written By Amah's Heart& Blessing

She later made a final decision to split the savings on her into two parts; a small part for the home feeding and the other part was apportioned to my education which was to the displeasure of my father who felt that such sacrifices is unnecessary for a female child.

I am very sure that if the savings was his money, he wouldn't have allowed such a decision but since it was that of my mother, he had no choice but to adhere to my mother's decision on her savings apportionment while stating it clearly that he was not going to show up for any future crises or expenses that would arise from my education.

With the money apportioned for my education, I successfully paid for my acceptance and academic fees and also got some essential school materials.

Sadly, it wasn't enough for me to rent an apartment or even pay for an hostel space in school. As a result, I had to live with a cousin who was emotionally and verbally abusive with words.

Aunty Blessing as I do call her, abused me verbally and turned me into an errand girl for herself and her friends who occasionally came visiting. 

Living with her can be best described as an hell on earth, the little school provisions sent to me from home were usually consumed by her without much thoughts on my feelings.

Her male friends who came visiting kept making strong sexual requests and obvious advances at me as I am undeniably a beautiful girl.

It got to a point that I was almost raped by her male best friend on a certain night when she wasn't at home but I narrowly escaped due to a phone call I got from my mom.

I emaciated a little but then my experience with her made me develop a thicker skin to abusive words and I grew mentally stronger such that her mean words or actions were no longer having a negative impact on me, instead it inspired me to work hard to academically become the best I can be.

While in school, I ensured to research on scholarships opportunities available to indigent students and I applied to as many as I was eligible for.

After my 100 level first semester examination, she requested that I move out of her apartment and I was left with no choice but go back home with my belongings.

At home I discovered that life was harder for my family than my mother made me believe anytime we talked on phone.

We were struggling to eat once daily and my siblings suspended their secondary education until when things would get better, that's if it ever would.

Getting loans to solve our major problems were out of options as my parents were already neck deep in debts, with debtors who were currently at their necks so we just had to manage the little we could momentarily afford.

Frankly, the only hope for my education continuity was in the scholarship opportunities I had applied for else I will be left with no choice than to suspend studies in the forthcoming semester, a hard decision which I dreaded so much.


I sat there after receiving the disappointing email from the scholarship platform which made it the eleventh disappointing email I will be getting for the scholarship opportunities I applied for.

School has already began for the second semester and I am still at home with no hope of resumption in view.

Truthfully I want to give up but I know I have to prove to my father that females can equally be successful and also that a woman's value is not limited to marriage or her husband alone.

I intend to make my mother proud. I know for a fact that I want to become a successful woman who will look back at my beginning days and be thankful to God my maker that I did not give up even when the path are full of thorns.

With this comforting thoughts I had, I found the courage to get up from where I sat and I continued my morning routine although with a worried mind.

Diaster knocked yet again when later that afternoon the landlord of the house we stay in came with thugs and sent us packing out of his house as a result of overdue house rent. 

With the little money in my mother's custody, we were able to move into a small unkempt neighborhood, it is from there we got into a harder life in which we weren't accustomed to as a family. 

It was a single room apartment with no water in the house, the toilet outside and kitchen was erected outside and worst was that it was to be shared with the nextdoor neighbor who had children with distinct uncleanliness personalities.

We went through hell! our hygiene was reduced to the minimal, from going outside to use the toilet or kitchen and also making carrying gallons of water on our head a norms.

Do you know when you are in an unfortunate situation in which you keep hoping and praying to God for a change but at the same time feel like it is all an hopeless hope and prayer?

A situation in which you sleep at night expecting that by morning everything would be just a bad dream, only to wake up by morning and realize that it isn't a dream but a reality? 

That's the two situations I found myself but in a few days I soon begun accepting the reality of things that I had no control over, instead becoming a university graduate was now my goal and priority so I can make something out of my life.

In less than a week at home, I was evidently emaciating due to the insufficient food available. There was barely food to eat, from late night foods to constantly eating poorly made meals. Oil rice was the only food we could conveniently afford with the rice barely enough to go round, my parents sometimes gave up theirs so that we the children could eat. 

Notwithstanding, there were days we ate once and at least twice daily, it solely depends on the good or bad sales my mother makes for the day.

Days gradually went by and I grew more worried as there was no light at the end of the tunnel in sight, instead it became more glaring that I might actually end up suspending or worst which is ending my education.

Gradually, I lost sleep and appetite for food which wasn't helping issues as it only added to my emaciated physique, giving me the outlook of an 'lekpa' when in actuality I am a chubby person who had to slim down due to my family's present poor condition.

Well light shone on us or so I thought when my father was given the free sum of six hundred thousand naira (N600,000) as an assistance by my community chief who was sympathetic towards us.

Just when I thought my father would have pity on me and give me a fraction of the money to solve my academic problems, he completely ignored my endless pleas and ended up using 80% of the money to clear part of the pressing debts with the rest of the money kept solely for his personal use.

To him my educational expenses was of no importance and since he told us his stance on it from onset, my present academic expenses is therefore  not his headache to cure but that of my mother who begun it in the first place.

I very well know that if my mother was in the custody of the money that was gifted by the community chief, she would have acted differently. 

Certainly she would have considered my education as a first priority before using the money leftover to clear the most pressing debts, whilst leaving the less pressing debts for later but unfortunately the opposite is the actual case now.

After this happened, I completely lost hope on my education and that night I made up my mind to write an official suspension letter so as to submit it by month end which is a week from today.

Probably education wasn't meant for me. I thought as I cried myself to sleep that night.

(Do NOT take credit or plagiarize)

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