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Shana - Chapter Six


Shana - Chapter Six

©Bunmi B. Gabriel

I stood in front of my mom's room door, staring at it. I really felt bad for what I said, I didn't mean....okay I did but still. Shana encouraged me to go while she ate whatever she could find in the kitchen. I knocked softly finally gaining courage to
'Come in' her sober voice said. I inhaled and opened the door, I walked in and sighed. 'What do you want? Break my heart more?'
'I'm sorry mom, for the way I yelled and spoke to you'
'I deserve it. The only thing I regret is your father not being there so I could slap the hell out of his face. He caused this' she sobbed
'How?' She patted the space beside her
'Come, let mama tell you a short story' I rolled my eyes and sauntered to her. 'Why strolling like I won't age in ten minutes' she huffed. I chuckled and sat down. 'I was the party and fashion type but I wasn't that obsess with it, I wasn't desperate and made it my life. I stupidly fell in love with your father but I knew I couldn't marry him because he was somehow stingy then, I didn't see it all because he hid it in his attempt to woo me. My brother supported my decision but my best friend, God punish that girl. She convinced me that he would change and that I was over reading things. She made me believe he was a good man'
'And then you married him and his true colors showed' I said chucklingly
'He is the worst human being I've ever seen, aside from that stupid janitor in my high school who kept trying to sleep with me or that door man at the hotel and also Vicky, God I hate that girl, she smells and her mouth odour can kill a skunk... '
'Mom' I called laughingly
'Sorry, where was I? Was I talking about my shoes or handbag?'
'Why you became uncaring'
'Oh yes! Right. That he goat, God will punish his entire generation starting from....no, I reject that, you're his generation. God will punish any girl he impregnates out there but that man is too stingy to do that. Yes, where was I? His generation, yes. May the devil fire that his stupid cock which he uses to disturb me every night....'
'Mom!' I called laughingly. I never knew this side of her
'Yes! I forgot' she exclaimed and slapped my head
'Ow' I cried
'Sorry. As I was saying, I thought having a child will make him better but did it work? No. I had eleven painful miscarriage before I finally had you through operation. Do you know I suffered with you alone during the nine months and the first year of your birth? That wicked man really did something. I hate him. I got tired of crying and looking at you and crying so I decided to keep myself busy by you know. It's all your f.....it's all my best friend's fault!!! That stupid Camilia! I'm going to her grave right now and laying a curse on her. Why do I need to bother, death is already a punishment. God bless the tricycle that ran her over, it should have flattened her like paper....' She was standing now and demonstrating 'and that useless mother of mine that wanted me to marry a man with money...and that fucking priest that wedded us. What is he a priest for if he couldn't see through your useless father....' She went on ranting and ranting and ranting and I laughed till my stomach felt like it was going to explode. 'I'm done swearing now, you can continue'
'Continue what?' I laughed
'Telling me how bad of a mother I....hey! You know my mother is a terrible woman, she's so foolish she don't know how to cook....'
'Mom I'm hungry'
'And a good mother will cook for her son so to the kitchen I go' she chirped and ran to the door. She stopped and itched her head. 'But if I cook poison for you, manage it. I'm a mom, not a chef' I nodded swallowing my laugh. 'Now follow me and tell me more on the things I've missed out on all your life and maybe we can finally decide on how to kill your father and inherit everything. I've always wanted to deep someone in grease...ooh! One time, when I was ten....' I followed behind laughing. God! I'm going to love her
What we saw in the living room shocked us both
Shana and my dad
Not in an argument, but in a serious discussion
Dad sat on his favorite arm chair staring at her and listening to her words meticulously. She was pacing around wearing a suit and holding a wand. Obviously making a business proposal to him or whatever that
Where did she get the suit?
'Wally, have your father replaced me?' Mom whispered
'That's my girlfriend' I blunted out before biting my lip
'Awwwn, she's so cute' mom crooned
'And that Mr McBryde is how to tackle a severe financial problem. I mean what other way to make people spend money than using their children, the fun park for kids will bring in huge profits and as for the factory, don't bother rebuilding it, what's burnt is burnt. Instead turn it into a hotel. There are three large and hot clubs there and a funky bar for teens. What other way to spend a night than going to a hotel to fuck your catch. There's no hotel there so it's gonna bring huge money'
'Very interesting! These ideas are sure to make a fortune for me. Thanks kid who I don't know, who are you?'
'Still downloading but what are you using your money for? Orphanages? Your wife? Fundraisers? Your son? Yourself?' He stroke his chin thoughtfully. 'Well, what's the point of having money if you're not using it, I mean what joy is that? You're gonna die one day and the money will be passed on to your son. Once you die, you die....'
'One must economize'
'Just making money and locking it in banks isn't worth it. My father is a real man because he spends his money well, he spends it on us, that's why we love him. I'm sure your son loves you because you're caring' she said with a plain face. He scratched his beard. 'Did your dad do this to you?'
'In my time, he made me buy my own socks'
'Now I see. Wallet must have gotten his side from his mother. So do you think doing the same thing to your son is right? Do you think making him suffer like you did is advisable?'
'Who are you again?'
'I am the ghost of none stinginess future, I bring you a message' she said ghostly. 'Change, change or you'll lose everything. Bye Wallet and Mrs McBryde' she squealed, grabbed her bag and ran out
'Okay, am I the only one who just met the strangest person?' Dad asked puzzledly
'Wally go to your room, I have to talk to your father or rather, Mr Husband, follow me' she said stridently
'I'm hungry and you say it like I'm five'
'Okay baby, momma wants to yell at your papa for now so go to the kitchen and cook for yourself then I'll take the credit for it. I'm a good cook....Husband!!!!!' She roared. Dad jerked to his feet and hurried upstairs. 'I'll be back to take the credit baby' she kissed my cheek and ran to the stairs
'I'm not a kid mom!!!!' I shouted
'Didn't hear it, don't care!!!' She shouted back. This is a funny dream

I was jogging out of the house to just go jogging. It was Saturday morning.
'Oh Wally' mom called in a singsong. I whimpered, she had been very clingy since yesterday. I wanted a mom, not a second skin.
'Yes mom' I said with a feign smile turning to her, she was in the balcony. She waved at me and I waved back. 'Good morning mom'
'Where to?'
'Get back inside and dress up, your beloved father is going to take you car shopping' she said shrilly. She turned to the room. 'You better not complain you filthy shit of a man or I'll tie and lock you up in the bathroom again.....' Yes, my mom is super strong and my dad weak, that's one thing I know about them 'and if you buy him any cheap car or one he doesn't like, I'll show you what it means to be deepened in grease!!!!' I think he said something, she snorted. 'Why do I care? Even if I become a widow, I'll remarry in ten days. I'm hot you moron. Now get dressed before I force you to go in your birthday suit!!!!'
God I love this new mom
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Mom made breakfast and dad and I almost died, she made sure dad shove it down his throat because "no food is to be wasted" get it? How cool can it be? Dad bought me two cars because I wanted it. You should have seen his face
Next mom called and told him to change my wardrobe, phone, laptops etc.
The question I kept asking myself was is Shana a witch?
I ran into class, I was late because mom insisted we did morning devotions. I got to know that she was a psycho before, what I said triggered her mental disorder again.
'Sorry I'm late'
'One question, where's your project?' Shit! I totally forgot and Shana never reminded me.
'Left it with me' Shana startled everyone. She sat on the teacher's table with crossed legs.
'Shana? When did you get here? How did you even get in?' He asked holding his chest. She shrugged. 'Where's your project?'
'Right here' she chirped. She put her hands behind the table and pulled out a whoa! 'Isn't it great!' I face palmed myself
'That's a donkey with the head of a llama' I sighed. 'It was suppose to be a house!'
'Houses are lame' she said dismissively waving her hand. 'Imagine such a creature exist'
'F' the teacher said coldly
'Yes! We failed!' She shrieked excitedly
'Are you being serious?' I huffed upsettingly
'Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle on the way....' She sang skipping to her seat. 'Santa Claus is coming soon
And imma eat his head
Jingle bells, jingle bells
I hate my mom's pies
They smell like wet sock
Taste like dry butt
And make you eat your face....' I walked to my seat and gaped at Larry
'Annual madness' he mouthed. 'Comes once a year'
How many mad woman do I have in my life
'It's mid June' Barry scoffed
'La la la la la la
La la la la la...' Rainbow Chelsea joined. Larry hit his head on the desk and grumbled to himself
Again, what is wrong with Shana?

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