I have been home for three weeks and everyday seems harder than the other.

What I passed through back in school still devastate me

I have opened up to my parents, and it wasn’t funny at all 

My parents did everything possible to fish out all that was involved in messing up my life 

They reported them to the school authorities and they were suspended 

Even after all this I still don’t feel safe 

Knowing how I was humiliated, my unclade picture that they took of me when I was unconscious posted it out in public and it went viral 

All these are part of the reason I don’t feel like living any more.

I went viral for the wrong reason.

If I had listened to my dad, maybe it would have been avoided.

He even gets warning through dreams, which he didn’t fail to tell me but my high interest in going to school clouded all my reasons 

Now I’m facing the emotional part of the consequences 

I’m drained and tired from all that befall me

My dad wasn’t happy at all with me 

I got a lot of counselling and backlash 

My brother was informed he had a load full of questions and scolding 

He said if I couldn’t inform mum and dad why didn’t I tell him 

He would’ve handled it before the whole thing escalated.

I was suppose to return to school but I felt unready 

The heat is just too much on me 

All of these were the reason I wish I can end it all, but you already know that it isn’t the best option.

Victor has stayed close 

Checking up constantly and sending encouraging and romantic messages to cheer me up 

I was surprised to see him in church today 

He had said since he couldn’t visit me at home, he wanted to know where else we can meet and see 

I told him I’m not allowed outside for now except church activities.

He asked to know where I worship and I told him the name of my church 

But I discouraged him from having interest to come because I know my parents will not want to see me hanging out with a male friend for now 

But he came anyway, I wasn’t very surprised neither was I pleased.

Seeing him at my gate again gave me a Strange feeling, an adrenaline that went all over me.

We spoke briefly as I kept looking around to avoid my parents or anyone seeing us.

He said he misses me and so is my other friends 

He wants to know when I will be coming back to school 

He told me how everyone looks forward to having me back 

Since all the culprit behind my saga have been dealt with, and will never trouble me again what else is holding me back from returning.

I told him a whole lot, Ada and her squared are handled by the school management but all that they unleashed on me is heavily affecting not just my self esteem but my entire social life 

I don’t know if I will ever get over it 

He nodded with understanding asking me to give it a try first 

Rachel and Blessings all misses me, even Evelyn 

I should try to come back because this time it will be different 

He will not only protect me from mishap but will always have my back.

I told him that I trust only God to watch my back 

I’m still finding it difficult trusting human being.

He nodded with understanding again.

We spoke a little as I assured him that I will return back soon before he left.

The following week I told my parents that I was ready to go back to school.

They wanted to start making preparations for another school but I told them there’s no need for that anymore.

They asked me if I was certain and ready to return to the school 

I assured them that I’m fit mentally and emotionally 

They had a load of advices, more counseling and a lot more of prayers 

I was given different advices and reminded on my past weeks countless times and why I shouldn’t bring shame to them or disappoint God.

I stayed, listened like the new changed obedient child that I was.

After few days I left, and went back to school.

My friends were so excited to have me back 

I can see the joy on Victor’s face.

He welcomed me with an open arm

I smiled hugged him and my roommate who has become my close friends.

Studying was far different from the first because my parents kept checking on me.

I was wiser and stronger 

Because what couldn’t kill me made me stronger.

I wasn’t quick to call everyone my friend.

I know where I should be and where I shouldn’t.

I know when to shun anyone close to me whenever they’re crossing the limits.

I was not only careful I was wise as a serpent.

Victor indeed was always looking out for me and so are my friends 

My spiritual life became more serious 

Evelyn and I started having prayer and studying sections, many others joined in.

I was gradually recovering and bouncing back from what almost broke me apart 

Gradually my university kept going slowly but smoothly and steadily until my final year came.

Ada and her accomplices returned but they never troubled me 

They kept a clear distance from me and I avoided them like plague.

I took God far more serious 

My spiritual life went from cold to lukewarm and then I was all on fire for God again.

I still flash back to those difficult times and thank God that I didn’t end it all like I had wished to do.

I’m happy that I had good friends around who didn’t give up me

My parents also backed me up spiritually after the encounter.

My school years weren’t all smooth, not without turbulence but I’m glad that God saw me through it all

Victor and I remain close good friends as always, he also chose to grow himself spiritually 

My roommate and even Evelyn are doing amazingly well in their different paths 

I’m happy that I didn’t end it all and I didn’t bring shame to my parents like the devil intended.

I give God all the glory.

THE END 

(DO NOT TAKE CREDIT OR PLAGIARIZE AMAH’S HEART STORIES)

Let’s go back to the very begining when I began my story and journey 

I understand it seems confusing for you but I couldn’t find a better way to start it.

And that’s why I have decided to revisit the beginning again, so you will get to understand my whole ordeal.

Let’s go back a little again 

*******************

Today, Sunday, the Lord’s Day, I stood at the altar, leading praise and worship. I’d wanted to dodge the task, but our choir mistress had seen right through me. With no valid excuse, I accepted my fate, my mind wandered to the depression I’ve been feeling lately. The weight of my emotions became unbearable and I couldn’t resist the thought going through my mind.

“If only suicide were permitted by God, I would have found freedom by now, and since mμrder is also a cr!minal offence, I’m trapped in suffering, If God answers prayer quickly as people claim, I would have escape this miserable life. A life unappreciated shouldn’t be lived nor a life filled with bondage, grief and sorrow.”

.

“Praise the Lord, church,’ I began. ‘If you’re happy to be in God’s presence, wave your hands in appreciation”  My mind, however, was elsewhere consumed by dark thoughts of escape, mμrder, or sμ!cide. A gentle tap from a backup singer snapped me back to reality.

Frozen, I dropped the microphone and rushed to the church toilet, overwhelmed. Tears flowed freely as I whispered, ‘God, help me, the weight is too much”. A knock on the door broke the silence.

‘Nonye”, are you okay?’ Faith asked, concern etched in her voice. I hesitated, unsure how to respond.”

I washed my face and returned to church with Faith, who persisted in asking what was wrong. 

“Nonye, your face says otherwise,’ she said. I reassured her I was fine, and we entered the churche

As I scanned through the congregation what I’ve been avoiding came happening, our eyes met, and I felt an unexplainable rush of emotions. I managed to compose myself for the rest of the service. After the benediction, I sought a quick escape to avoid questions.

“Chinonye, our choir mistress called me. Aside my parents who calls me by my full name, she is the only one who calls me that way in church. Others address me as “Nonye”. according to her she believed calling the name in full makes it more meaningful and understandable, meanwhile, the name is  being interpreted “God be with me”.

 ‘Yes, ma, good afternoon,’ I replied, forcing a smile.

‘What happened this morning was unexpected. You’ve been acting strangely…are you okay?’ she asked, her concern turning stern. ‘I hope all is well’ she continued. I considered opening up but hesitated. 

” Not at all ma, just feeling feverish, ma”. I said.

“Sorry dear, hope you’ve tried taking drugs, by the way, your parents didn’t attend today’s service which is unusual of them, is everything all right? she asked

“All is well ma, they attended a family gathering,’ I explained.

“Oh! alright then, do takecare of yourself and remember who you are. OK?” she advice’s

“Yes ma”…I replied

“Trust you my dear….she said and that last part brought back my thought.

“hope I don’t get to disappoint this woman”. I turned to leave and on getting home, there I met him standing by the gate.

This was like the beginning of the end.

(Do not take credit or Plagiarize AMAH’S HEART stories)

I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease. All I wanted was to escape this place and find solace back home. When my friends saw how determined I was to leave, they couldn’t hold back their emotions.

Victor arranged for a cab to pick me up around evening time. I couldn’t leave during the day without drawing attention to myself. My friends carefully packed my luggage into the cab to avoid raising suspicions.

At 6 pm, I put on a face cap to disguise myself and bid my friends farewell, promising to stay in touch.

As I got into the cab, I felt a mix of emotions: relief, sadness, and uncertainty. What would the future hold? Would I ever be able to return to school and face my peers again?

The cab drove off into the evening traffic, leaving behind the only life I had known for the past few years. I was headed home, but I knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

As the cab drove away from the campus, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I was finally leaving behind the pain and humiliation. But I knew that the journey to healing was just beginning.

The cab ride was quiet, with only the sound of the engine and the occasional horn breaking the silence. I stared out the window, watching as the city gave way to the countryside.

After a while, the cab pulled up to my family’s house. I tried paying the driver who told me my bill has been settled. I knew it was Victor’s doing…I thank the driver for been honest and then alighted the cab….taking a deep breath of the familiar air, I walked towards the door.

It seems my mother was waiting for me at the door because it was immediately opened at the first knock…..with a look of concern etched on her face, she spoke… “Chinonye, my dear, welcome home,” she said, opening her arms for a hug….but why the late night journey?”

“it’s traffic mum…you know I also don’t like walking late at night

I hugged her tightly, feeling a sense of safety and comfort that I hadn’t felt in weeks.

But as we stepped inside, I knew that the road to healing would not be easy. There would be questions to answer, emotions to process, and wounds to heal.

“Where is dad? I asked 

“he should be in his room sleeping….I was awaiting your arrival before calling him for dinner because I want us to have the it at the same time…..it’s been a while that happened…mum said smiling.

But Dad surprised us, walking to the living room….”and who said I’m sleeping?”

I rushed to hug him tightly…..”I’ve missed you dad.”

“I’ve missed you too my baby”….he replied hugging me back.

We broke apart from the hug and walked hand in hand to one of the couches, like two lovebirds. Meanwhile, Mum had already slipped into the kitchen…

“How is everything so far?….how is studies?…..dad asked.

“Fine dad…I managed to say

“I can see mum has been taking care of you, you are looking fresh…I teased with a smile, trying to divert the conversation

“Really?”Dad asked to be sure

“Of course dad…I assured

“Why am I hearing my name?…..mum asked walking to the dining with two plates of food..

“Your daughter here has been commending you, she said I’m looking fresh as a result of you taking care of me”

“Ehn ehn now, she’s very right…am I not taking care of you?….mum asked dad

“Am I not taking care of you as well”….dad replied

“No, I asked first, answer the question and I will answer yours too…mum said jokingly.

As we bantered back and forth, I felt a sense of normalcy wash over me. But deep down, I knew that I couldn’t avoid the truth forever. we spent the night talking and trying to catch up on everything we’d missed.

 “We’ve missed you so much, Nonye.”   My mother said, her eyes shining with happiness. 

My father put his arm around me. “We’re glad you’re home safe.”

I felt a lump form in my throat as I looked at my parents. I knew I had to tell them everything, but I was scared.

“I’m just tired, Mum,” I said, forcing a smile. “It’s been a long day.”

My mother looked at me skeptically, but my father nodded. 

“You should go rest then….we’ll talk more in the morning….my dad said.

I nodded feeling a mix of relief and guilt. I knew I had to tell them eventually, but I just wasn’t ready yet. 

As I stood under the warm shower, I felt the tension in my body begin to ease. I took a deep breath, letting the water wash away the stress and fatigue of the past few days.

After my shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and reached for my phone. I sent a group text to my friends:

“Hey guys, I’m home!”

I smiled, thinking about how my roommates would react. They’d probably bombard me with questions, but I was ready to fill them in on everything.

I didn’t have Victor’s number, but I knew my roommates would pass on the message. I wanted to thank him again for being there for me. He’d really gone out of his way to help me, and I appreciated it.

Just as I was about to put my phone away, it buzzed with an incoming text. I smiled, expecting it to be one of my friends responding to my message.

But to my surprise, the text was from an unknown number:

“Welcome home, Nonye. I’m glad you made it back safely…my heart skipped as I realized who might have sent the message, could it be Victor?

(Do not take credit or Plagiarize AMAH’S HEART stories)