KASARACHI
Kasarachi - Episode 44
(Tell it to God)
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
We were sitting in Mama's room and it was early dawn; around 3am in the morning.
Mama was lying spread out on her bed while I was sitting by her side and lovingly caressing her hands as we talked endlessly.
"Kasarachi I know you are scared but since you've told it to God and prayed about it....and he has given you the signal to marry Alex....then please go ahead, my child" Mama said wearing a serious look on.
I woke up early this morning and couldn't sleep back again because I was still filled with thoughts about Alex's proposal. That's why I came to Mama's bedroom so we could discuss it again as mother and daughter.
My date with Alex was three days back which was Sunday, today is Wednesday.
As for the answer to his marriage proposal, I didn't give him an answer that day. I wasn't sure of what answer to give him.
I mean what if I accept to be his wife and he is not God's purpose for me as a husband....?
Or what if it's the opposite way, I outrightly reject him and he turns out to be God's purpose for me as a husband....? then wouldn't that mean I have indefinitely missed out on God's plan for my life....?
I wanted to pray about it and commit his proposal into God's hands and whatever directives he gives me, I will follow.
I didn't want it to seem like I was turning his proposal down, so I simply told him to give me some time to think about it.
My excuse was that I didn't want to make a mistake that will affect us in future so I needed time to access our compatibility and that I will give him my reply on the third day which is today by noon.
Alex wasn't so pleased with my response but I like the fact that he didn't overly push or try to persuade me any further. He told me to take as much time as I needed and if after that, my answer is a no, then no problem he will respect my decision.
After our date at the restaurant ended, he ordered small chops for me and each member of my family as a takeaway and then he dropped me off with his car.
At the gate, Alex offered to come in and say 'hello' to Mama but I turned down his request and told him next time.
I was amazed and more than pleased that he could even think of ordering takeaway for my family without being told, dropping me off at my house to ensure I'm safe, and now he wants to come in and greet my mother.
I didn't say it out but honestly those little acts of thoughtfulness from him showed a sense of responsibility and kindness which endeared him to me the more.
Before completely stepping out of his car, Alex made a statement that stuck to my memory. He said that God had already pointed me out to him as his wife but he wanted God to give me my own conviction, so it wouldn't seem like he is coercing me.
I didn't know if to believe him or not, so I simply smiled and waved him goodbye after telling him that I will get back to him about my answer in three days time.
I also pleaded with him not to call me within those three days so I will be able to think with a clear head and he concurred.
When I went in, I discussed everything that transpired between Alex and I with mama. Just like me, mama felt like he was moving too fast and something seemed to be fishy.
Mama asked me if he is a Christian and I answered yes because Alex is. Madam Ify told me that before we went on a date and Alex confirmed it when we met physically.
Mama also asked me if I have noticed any red flags since we began our talking stage and I told her no because I haven't.
Alex is a cool-headed, thoughtful, kind, calm, and nice guy. I'm also thankful to God that he is my spec in terms of physical look and so added with his personality, I have come to like him romantically.
Mama's last question was if Alex has ever demanded sex from me and I told no because he hasn't. Infact, during the first week we began talking over the phone, he told me that he doesn't believe in nor has he ever practiced sex before marriage.
It was hard to believe at first but then I observed that throughout our talks, he had never spoken about or demanded for any form of sexual contact nor did he request for any visit and stay over kind of a thing.
Anyways, I know how trickish and pretentious men can be to get whatever they desire so I didn't want to count that as a criteria for him being a husband material.
I replied to Mama's last statement after doing a lot of critical thinking in my head.
"But Mama I am just twenty-two years old. I'm not sure I am ready for marriage yet and besides this is a man whom I barely really know...." I said each word gently and then I inhaled deeply before talking again
"....I'm scared of making a marital mistake that will mar my future. Mama, I sincerely do not want my choice of a man to be a bad experience that people will need to learn from. You know how I have suffered a lot in my life already" I said in a shaky voice trying as much as possible not to cry.
"I understand you Kasaramma but this particular is a ballgame entirely because you've been given the conviction that Alex is your husband through dreams"
"I know that mama but I'm still very scared. What if the dreams are simply my subconscious playing tricks on me...?"
"Kasaramma you are the one who told me directly that you saw yourself in different scenarios saying I do to Alex with smiles on your face. Or were you lying about that...? Abi your subconscious will play tricks on you thrice....?" Mama asked me and I shook my head indicating a NO that I wasn't lying.
I truly saw myself in a dream getting married to Alex first; in a church auditorium. The second one was on the beach in front of our family members and friends. The third one was in a romantic setting with just two of us saying our vows. In all I was happy and smiling all though.
Dreams are one of the ways in which God speaks to me and also all of my dreams usually manifest in one way or the other.
So I know that this is definitely God indirectly giving me the confirmation I need to accept Alex's proposal and allow him to wed me as his wife.
"....what's with the fear and uncertainty then...? Are you trying to presume God as the deceiver of the brethren or a God who doesn't know who is good for you....?" Mama asked me again and it made me sigh deeply.
"That's not it Mama. I'm thinking of the obstacle ahead of me in person of his sister. You still remember what I said that Madam Ify told me about Alex right...?" I asked mama who nodded in affirmation.
"You mean the pari she said Alex is very much attached to his junior sister and wouldn't mind choosing anyone else over her...?" Mama asked me and I nodded a yes.
"Yes Mama. I'm scared of being a second fiddle to a man who excessively adores his perfectionist sister so much. Madam Ify says it's because she is the only sibling and intimate family he has after his parents died five years ago...." I said calmly and then briefly paused to exhale before continuing
"....mama do you know that he went as far as naming his telecommunication company after the two of them - AlexBel....? That's how much he loves his sister...so what's now making me think that I'll ever be considered a priority to him...?" I quizzed worriedly
"Really...? Is this what is actually holding you back from accepting the will of God for your life...? Let me ask you, why should you even think you are in competition with his sister....? I mean those are two distinct things; his sister and his wife-to-be"
"I know Mama. The thing is just that; I don't want to be that black sheep who came into the family and shattered two siblings' close relationship. Moreso, I heard this sister of his is a very selective and troublesome person. Any show of disapproval from her about her brother's choice means automatic disqualification for the girl"
"If a man allows his sister to choose for him who to marry and who not to, then it means he is a weakling and not fit to be called my son in-law. Trust me your mother, I will be the one to personally disqualify that marriage before she even gets the chance to. Nobody takes my daughter as a doormat"
I chuckled as I heard that and from her serious look, I knew she was very serious about not letting anyone trample on me. Sweet mama! She has always been like a solid pillar of strength behind me.
"Thank you Mama. I know you are my rock and of course....you wouldn't let anyone hurt me not even Alex's sister Belinda" I said calmly.
Mama sighed deeply as she told me with all honesty to accept Alex's marriage proposal and she went on to add to her words..
"You know, if you ask me Kasarachi....I really don't think his sister as a newlywed will be petty enough to want to come in-between Alex and whoever he chooses to marry. Besides, Alex is an adult man and so I believe he will be able to firmly make decisions without waiting for his sister's validation or tolerating her interference"
I heaved heavily as I heard these soothing words from mama. In a way, it calmed me but it didn't completely erase my fears.
I just had to let the matter lie low and not push further when I saw Mama yawning tiredly. From her yawn, I could decipher that mama is very tired.
I am the one who woke her up from her sleep and after that, we've been talking for close to two hours now. The lack of sleep is enough to get anyone exhausted so I am not even surprised to see her tired face.
"I think I should allow you to sleep now Mama and...." I was about to add something else when mama cut me short by telling me
"No Kasarachi I don't want to sleep yet. I enjoy gisting with you about your personal life and want us to keep talking"
"We could continue some other day. Look at the time Mama, it's almost 4am and I can see that you are very tired. Besides you are going to the shop by 8am while I am leaving for work by 6:30am so I need to sleep too" I said gently and attempted getting up when Mama pulled me by the hand to sit back.
"Okay then, stay here with me Kasarachi. It's your mother's room after all, so why are you running away like you are some sort of stranger...? Please sleep here besides me today!" Mama said persuasively while putting on a puppy face to get pity from me.
I found it to be hilarious that Mama still has this petty and dramatic side of her intact. But to be honest, I've missed the part of my childhood whereby I will lay in Mama's room with Judith and she will cuddle both of us until sleep takes us to dreamland.
I suppose Mama misses it too and that's why she is stylishly trying to recreate the memories again with me, especially now that she has the opportunity to do so.
"It's okay Mama, I will sleep here today. Moreso, I have missed your warm embrace and cuddles a lot and I don't think it will be a bad idea to actually experience it again" I said smiling widely and Mama smiled back.
"Kasarachi I want you to know that you are a strong girl and that I am very proud of you. I'm also sure that wherever your late father is....he will be so proud to tell his friends over there that you are his daughter. Also know that, whatever decision you choose to make regarding Alex....I am solidly behind you as a rock!" Mama said looking at me lovingly.
"Thank you very much mama. I am happy I came to this world as your daughter. I also want you to know that I will always stand firmly by your side as my mother, no matter what life chooses to throw at us" I said lovingly whilst climbing Mama's bed fully.
I laid on the bed and I re-straightened myself beside Mama after covering myself with the duvet.
Mama smiled and then threw her hands around me in a cuddle. That's how we slept off peacefully until the following morning.
In the morning, I woke up, dressed and went to work early as I usually do. Thankfully, Mama prepared breakfast on time so I ate before leaving the house today.
At work, I swept and arranged everywhere before Madam Ify arrived and then the others came later.
Sales at the shop went on well as always and before long, it was 5pm in the evening.
By now, my facial expression was showing how gloomy and unhappy I am feeling deep within me. It seems like even my colleagues noticed my sullen and bleak countenance, because I am not even behaving like my usual jovial self around the shop anymore.
It is evening yet till now, Alex hasn't called me to say hello and to inquire about his answer or how I have been faring.
Or is he forgetting that I told him today....? Or maybe he is not serious about me again because I left his answer hanging for days...? Or did he find someone else after we went our separate ways on Sunday....?
A lot of presumptions were running through my mind but I couldn't pinpoint which was the correct one.
Inquiring from madam Ify wasn't an option as she will first ask me if I don't have Alex's phone number to call and ask him directly.
To be sincere I thought of calling him oh, afterall it is said that if Mohammed wouldn't go to the mountain then the mountain should go to Mohammad. But I'm scared of him thinking I am desperate to marry him.
I was distracted from my thoughts when I heard noises of breaking plates coming from madam Ify's office. My colleagues and I were looking at ourselves in skepticism while wondering what broke and why.
Almost immediately, we saw a disoriented Madam Ify ran out from her office and dashed towards the entrance door. From her reddish face, it is quite obvious that she had been crying long before she came out.
Even the way she ran out barefoot without her footwears got all of us; the workers scared and worried as to what the problem could be.
When madam Ify ran outside, she swiftly entered her car and drove off in a hurry. All of this got us in a puzzling mood even more.
Well we didn't have to think for long because the puzzle solved itself when my phone rang interrupting our thoughts.
I looked at my phone screen and discovered that the call was from a strange unsaved number so I was reluctant to answer it.
I later answered it after the first missed call and my colleagues urging me to pick it up in case it is something important.
After hearing a 'good day' from the female caller, I placed the phone on my ears so I could clearly hear what more she has to say.
That's when she told me the most shocking news ever such that for a moment, I was disorganized and unable to believe my ears.
"Oh my God! Accident...? Where...? How and when did this happen....?" I asked over the phone as I began pacing around in anxiety.
My heart was pounding very fast and tears were already forming in my eyes as I began replaying the sad news I was currently hearing over and over again in my head.
The caller finished telling me what she called to inform me about and afterwards the call ended leaving me so disheveled.
Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm finished! I kept uttering after I took the phone away from my ears.
I didn't know when I weakly sat on the floor crying profusely and at the same time placing my two hands on my head.
My colleagues were asking me what the problem was but I was speechless. Who wouldn't be after all of what I was told....?
Right now, I am too tense and emotionally shaken to say anything meaningful so the only few words I continually uttered were....
"Have mercy Lord! Ah, my village people are at work again. Jesus Christ of Nazareth!"
(Do not take credit or Plagiarize AMAH'S HEART stories)
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