TAMAR
Tamar-Episode 21
©Amah's Heart
“you look sad, you are suppose to be happy, this will be a great life for you, you will become the queen of my heart and not only that you will be a great mistress having people to serve you, different servants will be at your service both slave and free, just as you want, is going to be great Tamar, and I will always protect you, I love you and I can’t wait for the marriage ceremony to be over so that the whole kingdom will know you are my wife, you are suppose to be happy and cheerful not looking dejected…why are you sad…what is the problem…whatever you want I will do it for you…don’t you love me, don’t you want to spent the rest of your life with me…what is the problem Tamar…
“I’m fine…an…and I love you Vim, I’m grateful for everything, i feel so honored, really, I feel my heart will boast from all this, is just too much Vim, and I’m really so grateful that you will chose me among all the worthy maiden, I’m so happy you picked me to be yours…I feel so privileged…yet I don’t know if I can take this offer, looking at my belief, I’m a Christian, you know that already …and you are not…I wish you are, I wish you will come to know the one true God, I wish you believe and allow him to baptist you with his blessings…if I marry you like this, you will some day pull me away from my faith, you may chose to stop me from serving my God, life is meaningless without God, God is not a fantasy we create in our heart to get away from pain, no, God is real and his arm is opened wide, beckoning you to come…I so much want to be your wife and the mother of your children but how can that be when we are not equally yoked…
“Tamar, this not a problem, you shouldn’t be worried or sad because of that, I have told you that I will not hold you back you from worshiping your god, you can worship your god and I will serve mine, you will get whatever you want… is fine by me, you don’t have to be sad about that, and about stopping you from serving your god, well is only when is getting out of hand, I don’t want my wife to be a fanatic Christian, acting crazy and talking to herself, no, I definitely don’t like such, so if I feel you are getting out of hand I will bring you to order even if it means stopping you, you will belong to me and you have to obey your husband…that is the truth, I can’t lie to you, if you know me enough you will see that I can be very jealous, yes, jealous if I love someone, so if you devote more time to your god and little to me, I will get jealous because I’m a jealous husband…is funny but is true, well so you know that as much as I love you I will also like you to devote more time to me than you will do to your god, you know when a woman is married , her husband becomes her god, the other god she serves comes second on her list, except if she’s a shrewd woman like that merchant’s wife, and nobody wish to marry a troublesome woman, or a woman who will not give her husband the respect he deserve, well, I love you Tamar and all I want is for you to also love me and respect me, I don’t want to come second before your god, but you can worship whatever, I will not stop you, whatever you want to worship is all your choice as far as it will not take my place…
“that is the problem Vim, you see why it will be hard for us to live together or be married, because we are not compactable, there will be a lot of argument and misunderstanding between us, my God can not come second, as much I want this wonderful life you are offering me but God will always be the first in my life and in my home, if you become my husband and I already know you are the head of the house and the head of your wife but God is your head and I will always put him first before anyone and anybody, Vim, I’m not given you condition on this, no, the truth is I’m not even worthy of you but I can’t substitute my God for this fairy tale life you are presenting to me…
“your god is not real, stop acting crazy Tamar, I want to help you snap out of that fantasy and bring you to reality, your god can not do anything for you, he can not even save you when trouble struck, but I can, he can not even give you children, both male and female but I can, your god can not love you the way I will, why are we even talking about your god, this is about us not about him, I will marry you and lay with you and you will conceive if the gods please and bear children, your god is not even important here…
“stop it Vim, stop it please, without God you will never be born, without God there is no Vim Reese, without God nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing can be in existence, God is not your mate, but I can not fight for him because he alone is almighty and through him everything is being made, don’t bring judgement on yourself, because despite being ignorant it can also lead you to destruction, I pray that God will prove himself to you in a way you have never imagined…your heart is so harden, but God will soften it at the right time, I can’t be equally yoke with you in marriage, God can not be mock, I can’t marry you Vim, not like this, I can’t, I will never bow to any god of this land, I will never put my God second, he will always be first in my life… the word of God said in the book of proverb, in everything you do put God first and he will crown your effort with success, his word also said, seek first the kingdom of God and every other thing will be added unto you. So whatever you are offering me now is minor compare to the gifts from God…he is the first and the last, he is incomparable, beginning and he still the end…God before everything…
“You are make him look like he is real, he is not even real, do you know how many Christina have being killed, and your god did nothing, he just watch them die, if he was that powerful like you make him seem then he could have strike down the enemies, he could have destroy the people persecuting the Christians, but he never did, at the fountain years back, me and you when I was still foolish, well I give credit to you for making me to see reason to be a better person not through your word but through your action, I feel in love with you after that, that night as I held you, I felt this strange air behind my head, I almost thought your god came for your rescue until I realize is probably a ghost that gave me that strange feeling or is just a bad air, didn’t your god watch your mother and father die or whatever happens to them but he never saves them, he watched you being sold out as a slave but he never saved you, what kind of god does that, that’s why our people worship different god, if Jupiter or mars or even Venus can not give you your desires, then money will, we that worship money, it has always answered us, Tamar you can’t chose a mare god over me, a god that can’t offer you the luxury life I’m offering you, you can’t do that..
When he saw how serious I was as I stand on my word, he saw that he couldn’t convince me, Vim stood up angrily, and went to the sister, he spoke with her for sometime, I can hear him screaming, “her god can have her since she chose him over me” he later stuns out angrily.
Zity did not call me or ask me anything and she didn’t act indifferent that day or even the next day.
After few days Okra came again, Chakan was out, and Zity who has being avoiding her has no choice than to give her audience, they were in Zity’s chamber, so I stayed out as they asked me to go away but I didn’t go far I stayed close by as I overheard all they were saying.
“You keep avoiding me Zity, why, all of a sudden, you know I know all your secrets, I wanted you to be powerful and to be in charge of your home, I was a good friend to you Zity, no friend will ever go off her way to please you like i did, forget about all this things you hear about me or whatever your brother is saying, I can never do you wrong, you got to trust me, I helped you get ride of Adolfo’s child, I know your secret and you know mine, I was only trying to make you powerful and out of sudden you started avoiding me, is that your own way of saying thank you after everything I did for you…
“is not so Okra, I just wanted to look into my home more than I do outside, it was already affecting my relationship with Chakan, things were going sour over here and I caught Chakan cheating, he was cheating with a servant, Shamara, a slave girl, and it was because I was never around and since then I decided to stay back and make my marriage better…
“you said what…oh may the gods strike him, whaaat…Zity, you caught Chakan cheating, what did you do, why didn’t you tell me all this while, ooh, don’t tell me you forgive him, that will make you a weak woman if you did, because if a man cheats and you just forgive him without teaching him a hard lesson he will take you for granted and will do it again, no Zity, you have to teach him a hard lesson, your husband first then you can think of what you will do with the slave, Shamara, and also your personal maid I wonder why you will allow her to be getting married to your brother, Zity your brother that is every woman’s dream, how can you allow such, that girl will be higher than you because she is indirectly getting married to the second prime ruler of this kingdom if your parents are gone. A common slave, a nobody, a slave girl will automatically become so powerful, you can’t allow your brother to make such mistake…
“she rejected the proposal, she said she can’t marry him because of her so called god, Vim got angry, he has freed all the slaves he bought for Tamar, and given out the chariot he bought for her even the cloths and jewels, he went back to living with father and mother, he doesn’t want to have anything that will remind him of Tamar since she chose her god over him, is a sad moment for vim who seem to be in love with her, I have never seen him so crazy like that, Vim hardly fall in love and when he do is always crazy, I wonder why Tamar will chose a god that can not save her over my brother, I can not even say anything to her because I’m still so speechless, I have never in all my life hard or seen a slave who will say no to such opportunity, to a better life, I still can’t understand, even Chakan can’t comprehend…Vim is so bitter, he said her god can have her, he said that angrily and I felt his pain when he said that, he spoke out loud into the air and cursed her god and said let her so called god have her since she chose him over a better life, over the luxury he was offering her, that many will kill to have, Tamar rejected him…she rejected my brother over some stupid god….
“she is cursed by the vengeance god… twail, may the god of thunder, strike her dead, this is serious, what an insult, she has gut to say no to your brother, how can she turn down your brother’s offer, how can she say no to him, that girl is so full of herself, then let her god have her then, I use to tell you back in Adolfo’s house that she is a Christian, but you doubted, now you can see, they are so full of their selves, they believe in purity and put their god first before everyone or anything, I hate them with passion, and she will definitely suffer for turning your brother down, a common slave turning a royal born down, a real son of the soil, is good he washed his hands off her, now she is at our mercy, and the gladiator master, Mandioh, will be so glad to feed her to his lions, or her life will just drain away, she brought this upon herself, choosing a god over your powerful and handsome brother, well let’s just leave her case aside, and talk about your husband, he must pay for cheating on you, you are not a weak woman because is weak women that forgive easily…
“what do you think we should do, I’m almost four months gone, and Chakan so much want this baby, he loves me, and I love him also, so I can’t over stress my self, I don’t want anything to happen to the child, the doctor said I should be careful in what I do and my intake, so I don’t want anything that will affect me or the child, Chakan will be broken, so let’s wait until the child is born, or give him this chance, if he ever cheat on me again then we can plan on what to do…I can’t do anything because he has being a good man ever since…
“that is the sign of a weak woman Zity and I didn’t train you to be weak, look at me, I’m still very attractive and my husband can not even control me, you can’t allow Chakan to get away with his sins, if is me I would have cut off that his manhood, you have to deal with him, and it must be what he cherish most, the child you are carrying, abort it, and watch him weep like a baby…take off the child…you are becoming weak because of that child…
“Okra…I can’t do that, the first one I did was so painful, I can’t do another, I can’t, Chakan will be broken, and my life is in danger, I can’t do that, not again…
“hahahaha, you have truly become a weak woman Zity, do you think Chakan loves you, he only loves his child, he loves the maid you caught him with not you, he is only keeping you and acting all nice because of this baby, just trust me and test him, by doing what I suggested and you will see the real Chakan, don’t allow yourself to be deceive by him Zity, Chakan never love you, he is only here because of this thing, your pregnancy, see me I don’t have a child, and I’m living my best life, I go anywhere I want to go, I travel to meet my lover and my husband does not have a say, I move with powerful people of this kingdom, don’t you want such power, many people may not like me because of the strength I pull, but everybody must not like you Zity, I was not brought to this earth to please everyone, do as I say and you will understand what I’m talking about, punish him for what he did to you, deal with him Zity let him see that you are not the type to be messed with…do you understand me. I can’t allow you to be weaken, no, you are powerful and you are in charge, is only weak people that easily forgive, you aren’t weak, prove it, let me know when you are ready so that I will bring in the physician but do not delay because there’s no time, so it will not happen like Adolfo’s own.
“Hope it won’t be painful Okra…
“Not so painful like child birth, do you remember the pain you feel doing child birth, I know you don’t want to go through such pain again, it won’t be painful, the physician I will call is an old lady who has being into the act for decades, she will give you a substance to drink and before you know the pregnancy will come down, is not painful, trust me, I have never deceived you before…let me know when to bring her because she is well known, and mostly sort after, her service is very expensive, so you have to pay a huge amount of money for her to render her service, I know you are capable, your parents are wealthy and you are also married the son of a wealthy man, so you have no worries, but you got to hurry up, be wise and keep your mouth shut, do not tell anybody, even that your personal slave that will soon be a food to the lions if she doesn’t denounce her god and take up another god of the land, but even if she pick up any god of the land later and deny her god which I’m in doubt, still do not allow her to marry your brother, because she has her chance but she blew it away… time for her will soon come when she will weep and wish she was never born, nobody can save her not even her god, she will die if she don’t chose any god of this land, don’t mention what I told you to anybody, I will come with the physician when you are ready or I will take you to her if Chakan will be around, but I have to go and book her down first, don’t worry your secrets are safe with me. Is between us…you are a stronger than you think Zity…
I went cold, not for myself but for Zity, Okra was a devil’s incarnate deceiving Zity so easily, I know for sure I will never deny God for anything not even in the face of death, I will never, I live for Christ and I die to gain, Abel has taught me that, and what Abel said about sad days ahead is just around the corner.
Tears clouded my eyes, as I ran to the flower cot and knelt down on the ground, pleading with God to have mercy on Zity on Okra and also for Vim who is drunk in sin. I weep as I cry out for God to intervene.
the only picture i kept seeing is that of Okra smiling to herself and thinking she is truly powerful, but she’s as fragile as an egg,but she does not know that yet.
No comments